Today has been rough. Last night was rough too. I started coming down with this weird pain that I've had a few times since I've been pregnant.. I was hoping it'd go away with the pregnancy but I've had it twice now since Floaty has been born. It starts in my chest, below my rib cage.. it's sorta a tight feeling that spreads to my entire upper back. It feels like a huge muscle spasm, like if I could relax enough it'd go away or something.. and then it gets hard to breathe, all I can do is take short quick breaths. During my pregnancy it only would last about 20 minutes or so and it wasn't THAT bad. Last night it lasted almost an hour and it was worse than the pregnancy pains.. We were at my mom's house for my birthday so she told me she'd take the baby and that I should go hop in the shower. I went and got in the shower and had my husband sit outside the shower on the floor "just in case". He fell asleep while waiting for me - and I ran all the hot water out.. I still didn't feel better, in fact by that time I was getting shaky and exhausted. My husband had to help me get dressed and walk out to the kitchen where I sat on a chair and almost fell asleep in a matter of seconds. Mom took hubby off to the side and talked to him for a minute about me - I think.. (he was a little buzzed and tired so he was having trouble staying awake, poor baby). He took over the baby and mom took me into her room and laid me down on the bed.. she told me that she thought I was having a panic attack (I'm having issues with breastfeeding and it's been stressing me out like crazy) which made me start crying. I cried for a few minutes and then sorta just laid there.. she laid there with me for a few minutes and then sent my husband in to lay down next to me. He and I laid there for a few minutes and were both passed out on the bed before very long.
I woke up about 3am and needed to get a drink so I wandered out to the kitchen where all the lights were on and my mom was sitting up.. I freaked out a little bit thinking she'd been up the whole time with the baby! I'd gone into her room to lay down at about 9:30pm.. Anyways, the baby was laying on the couch sleeping and my mom was sorta just watching him. She told me that she had just been getting ready to come get me and wake me up cause he was acting like he was gonna wake up hungry. So I grabbed him and fed him for a bit and then took him back to bed with me where we slept for another few hours. All in all it worked out okay I suppose.
So now the baby is being bottle-fed. I'm having a hard time with it because I was SO excited about breastfeeding. It's my own fault that we had to stop though. He wasn't latching on properly to begin with and I let him learn to latch on the incorrect way which resulted in INTENSE pain in my nipples during let-down and then throughout the entire feeding. Mitch told me that it was fine if I needed to stop breastfeeding, he didn't want to see me stressing out about it. We decided that we were going to bottle-feed him formula for 2 or 3 days until I could build up a decent supply of breastmilk and then we would start feeding him breastmilk. After a week or so of doing that, if my nipples are healed up again we will go back to trying the boob - if the bottles haven't made him 'lazy' about latching on. Essentially I am still breastfeeding, just using a bottle to do it. It makes me sad though cause when I feed him with the bottle I can see he's already learning to suck at the bottle differently than he sucks from me. It's a bit hard on me but I'm getting better. The first day we used bottles I cried every time I fed him with one, I couldn't look at him without crying.. especially cause he didn't take to the bottle to begin with, he could smell me and wanted to feed off of ME and he was mad cause I wasn't letting him.. talk about HEARTBREAKING!
It is day 2 of pumping up a supply.. I had planned on starting to feed him breastmilk tomorrow but I have a BUNCH of running I have to do and it wouldn't work.. The breastmilk is frozen and has to be kept cool until he's ready to eat it. I have to go buy a little lunch cooler thingy to tote breastmilk around with me... so I suppose we will have one more day of building up a supply and then start him back on breastmilk on Thursday. I'm slightly worried that he won't want the breastmilk but just as I was typing that I think I am silly.. babies don't have tastebuds at this age so how will he know the difference? I'm sure he can smell it, babies have an increased sense of smell.. I hope he'll be happy to be back on breastmilk. :)
That's all for now..
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
My Labor Story - Two weeks after the fact..
I wrote this out for a friend of mine who wanted to hear my labor story.. so this is copied and pasted from that. :)
Once you hit 40 weeks you have one ultrasound a week and 1-2 NST's a week, cause the baby's living conditions can change rapidly. After 42 weeks in your uterus they will induce because the placenta starts to disintegrate or something like that and basically it's not safe for the baby anymore. So Monday (the morning of the 16th) I was scheduled to go into the hospital that I was delivering at for a "non-stress test" and an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was doing okay. I got there at 11am, had my ultrasound and then headed up to the Labor and Delivery floor for my NST. For the NST they take you into a room and lay you on a bed (depends on what nurse I got as to whether or not I had to completely undress for it - it's not really necessary to undress for them, fyi..). They use some stretchy bands to hook these two round things to your belly, one moniters contractions (even if you're not having any) and one moniters the baby's heartbeat. They also hook you up to a blood pressure machine and put a little thing on your finger to read your pulse. No biggie, bring a (calming!) book or something, nothing too exciting cause they'll keep you if your blood pressure goes up! lol.
Anyway so I'm laying in the room having my NST when the nurse comes in and informs me that my amniotic fluid was at "three point eight" and it's supposed to be at "ten or higher" - so they were going to keep me and induce me right then. =O I was shocked! I was scheduled to be induced two days later, so it's not like it wasn't something I expected.. I was freaking out a little bit though cause nobody was with me except my sister in law! She was downstairs in the waiting room and she didn't have a cell phone so I had no way to get down there and tell her they were keeping me. I called my mom and husband and told them that they needed to come to the hospital right away. I was calm and everything for about 15 minutes when it started sinking in that I was going to be having my baby soon and nobody was there with me! I knew the baby wasn't gonna be delivered before someone got there, it was a bit scary though. So my mom called my dad who works about 20 minutes away and sent him over. He got there a good 30 minutes before my mom did and calmed me down a lot so I am really glad he came over!
The nurse got me set up on an IV and brought in a bunch of paperwork for me to go over. Like I mentioned before, I'd suggest signing the epidural/anesthetic form before hand 'just in case'. Once you get any other pain medication you're considered under the influence and they will NOT give you an epidural if you change your mind. They won't force it on you either though. So after that the midwife came in and "checked" me to see how dialated I was (FYI - they stick like their entire freaking hand inside of you and it doesn't feel good! I was NOT expecting that which made it a little worse.. I dunno how I thought they'd check to see if you were dialated or not but that wasn't close to what I was expecting). I was only at 1cm and 50% effaced or whatever, so the midwife told me she was gonna give me something to dialate me and get my cervix ready for pushing. I didn't catch the name of the stuff she used but it was basically medicine on a giant shoelace that they stuffed inside of me right up against my cervix. They told me they'd leave it in for 12 hours and then come back in the morning to start me on Pitocin to start the labor. There was a very small chance that I could go into labor with the shoelace medicine but it was an incredibly small chance (and I didn't, lol). They put the stuff in at about 4:30-5pm I think? They told me that since the shoelace stuff would be done before 6am that they wouldn't start me till six in case I wanted an epidural because the anesthesiologists didn't come in till six.
So begin the waiting game.. My husband got to the hospital and my parents left around 8ish to get some sleep. We had Mitch's sister drive some DVD's and food over for Mitch cause we were really bored and he was hungry. Of course I could only eat ice chips and popsicles so we were careful to sneak the food in so he wouldn't get in trouble, hehe (you should see if your hospital has popsicles, it sounds silly but they really do help stave off hunger, especially if you're not gonna be allowed to eat for 12+ hours). After they put the shoelace inside of me I started having cramps like you'd get with your period. They started out like contractions - I'd have one for about 15 seconds or so every 10 minutes maybe? They got more frequent and lasted longer as time went on. Around 9pm I got tired of people telling me to "try and get some sleep" and told them there was no way I could sleep with those cramps! I'd doze off for a few minutes only to be woken up from the pain. They were incredibly uncomfortable. The nurse told me that she could give me some medicine through my IV that would help me sleep. Not thinking anything of it I told her that was fine and asked for another popsicle to go with it.
I don't know what medication they used, I really wish I had gotten the name for you! I'd suggest talking to the nurses before you get any kind of painkiller and see if they are going to make you drowsy or loopy. The stuff they put in my IV went into effect within like 30 seconds. I felt like I was drunk, that's about the most accurate explaination.. My head felt huge and heavy, I felt like I was floating all around, couldn't stop laughing, etc.. Unfortunately I don't really remember a lot from that point on due to that medicine they gave me. I slept off and on till about 4:30am. The nurse came in and told me that they were going to start the Pitocin at 5:30 and they wanted to know if I wanted to take a shower or not. I decided I did since I didn't know when I'd feel like taking another so they unhooked me from everything and let me take a shower. I called my mom and woke her up and told her she should come to the hospital cause they were gonna start my labor. She got there a bit before they started it up.
They brought in another IV bag thingy with the Pitocin in it and hooked it into my IV. They started me out at 3 drips a minute I think.. I still was quite out of it, I can't remember if they were still giving me the pain medication or not. I remember asking for it 3 times, the last time I asked for it was about midnight.. so like I said, I don't know if they kept giving it to me or not.. So after I got back into bed at 5:30am I only remember a couple things. I remember waking up and asking if my mom was still there and I remember them waking me up to ask if I wanted the epidural or not. The contractions were waking me up every few minutes and they were pretty painful. Apparently I was having "back labor" which is more painful than regular labor I guess. Makes sense cause I remember thinking it was annoying that I couldn't feel my stomach contracting like you're supposed to.
So the epidural people came in, I have no idea what time.. The had me sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. They swabbed my back off and stuck me with a local anesthetic so I wouldn't feel the tube thing going in. It hurt a little bit but nothing compared to the contractions, lol. After they got it in, they taped it to my back and let me lay down. It was amazing how I couldn't feel the contractions at all after that..
So then the next thing I remember was waking up on my side (apparently my blood pressure went up so they turned me on my side) at about 10:30am with these insane contractions that made me feel like I needed to PUSH. I've read that some women are so numbed with the epidural that they can't tell when they need to push but I could DEFINETLY tell. I think that has something to do with the fact that my mom and I have always been hard to numb (at the dentist, etc) so I don't think the epidural "took" 100%. I could also still feel my right leg and move myself around. While I was having the "push" contractions I remembered something I had read, someone said that pushing against an undialated cervix can make the whole thing take longer, so to help prevent yourself from pushing you were to "pant and blow, hard if you need to" to keep yourself from pushing. That came in REALLY handy, if I hadn't been breathing like that I would have been pushing.
The nurse came in and checked my cervix while I was on my side and told me I was still only at 4cm so I couldn't start pushing. I didn't think much of it cause as soon as the contraction stopped, I was asleep again. The contractions from then on out woke me up each time. About ten minutes later I told my husband to "go find the freaking nurse because I can't NOT push anymore!" I still remember feeling amazed at how my body like took over and knew what to do.. it was an interesting feeling to need to push and know you can't stop yourself from pushing..So he went and got the nurse really fast and she rolled me over on my back and told me I was at 8cm I believe. She said there was still a bit of a "lip" but that if I really couldn't hold it, I could push past it. Sooo the midwife was called and they brought in a couple extra people.. they dropped the end off the bed, popped up the foot holder thingies and told me to scootch down right to the edge.
They put a nurse (or maybe it was a med student - I think I remember one of them in medical school scrubs..) on my left side and my husband stayed on my right. They held my legs in their arms, way apart and pushed them back towards me when it was time for me to push.. They also made me grab my legs and curl myself over my belly as much as I could which was really difficult, the urge to lay out flat and put my hands over my head was really strong! Then for the next contraction the nurse told me I could start pushing and I told her I didn't feel like pushing anymore.. haha. They let me lay there for one contraction and then on the next I felt like I needed to push again. So basically - pushing out a baby felt pretty much like I expected it to which was interesting. I didn't even think about asking for a mirror to watch, I was concentrating SO HARD on pushing.. and it was hard to push! For each contraction they'd make me start to push, the nurse would count to ten then tell me to take a deep breath and push again. I had to do that 3 times for each contraction. They make you do it 3 times during each contraction cause it's apparently like one of those "two steps forward, one step back" type things.. After the first 5 or so contractions I could feel his head coming out and it was insane! It was like I could feel every detail of his face, his eyeballs coming out and his nose coming out and his mouth coming out..
After his head was out they told me to give one more push and his body came out. As soon as he was all the way out, the put him up on my tummy to wipe him off. I don't remember much about that but I do remember him being grey.. don't freak out about that! Babies don't get their pigment till a few minutes after they're born so that's normal. They clipped him up and helped my husband cut the umbilical cord and then took him across the room to this little bin with a light over it. My sister in law told me that once they pulled the baby out it was the weirdest feeling ever to be so full and then so empty in the next second but honestly all I can remember thinking was "Oh God YES!" = YAY it's over! Apparently before I started pushing I asked a nurse how long it was going to take cause I remember her telling me afterwards that I pushed for 17 minutes before he was born. Honestly, it did not feel like that long! If I'd had to guess I would have said five minutes at most, lol.
So then the midwife had to stitch me up because I tore a little. The actual tearing wasn't as bad as I expected, every time I'd think about it I'd imagine hearing a ripping noise and feeling myself split apart but honestly all you can feel is the gigantic alien trying to get out of you! The stitching up part was kinda painful though.. she put 2 stitches on the outside and I dunno how many on the inside.. After that they lowered me down and fixed the bed again so I could lay back a bit. They brought some food in for me immediately and I also sent my dad out to checkers for a gigantic burger and fries.. I ate the burger and fries and whatever it was they brought for me to eat as well! While I was eating the Lactation Consultant came in and helped me get started on breastfeeding. It was a little weird feeding him and eating at the same time butI got over that really quick, lol. They let me rest for a few minutes while they cleaned everything up and the baby was eating.. and then my husband packed everything up and we were taken to our recovery room. Thankfully we had the whole room to ourselves all night! It would have been insanely stressful to have to share with another mom and brand new baby..
That's about all I can remember.. :)
Once you hit 40 weeks you have one ultrasound a week and 1-2 NST's a week, cause the baby's living conditions can change rapidly. After 42 weeks in your uterus they will induce because the placenta starts to disintegrate or something like that and basically it's not safe for the baby anymore. So Monday (the morning of the 16th) I was scheduled to go into the hospital that I was delivering at for a "non-stress test" and an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was doing okay. I got there at 11am, had my ultrasound and then headed up to the Labor and Delivery floor for my NST. For the NST they take you into a room and lay you on a bed (depends on what nurse I got as to whether or not I had to completely undress for it - it's not really necessary to undress for them, fyi..). They use some stretchy bands to hook these two round things to your belly, one moniters contractions (even if you're not having any) and one moniters the baby's heartbeat. They also hook you up to a blood pressure machine and put a little thing on your finger to read your pulse. No biggie, bring a (calming!) book or something, nothing too exciting cause they'll keep you if your blood pressure goes up! lol.
Anyway so I'm laying in the room having my NST when the nurse comes in and informs me that my amniotic fluid was at "three point eight" and it's supposed to be at "ten or higher" - so they were going to keep me and induce me right then. =O I was shocked! I was scheduled to be induced two days later, so it's not like it wasn't something I expected.. I was freaking out a little bit though cause nobody was with me except my sister in law! She was downstairs in the waiting room and she didn't have a cell phone so I had no way to get down there and tell her they were keeping me. I called my mom and husband and told them that they needed to come to the hospital right away. I was calm and everything for about 15 minutes when it started sinking in that I was going to be having my baby soon and nobody was there with me! I knew the baby wasn't gonna be delivered before someone got there, it was a bit scary though. So my mom called my dad who works about 20 minutes away and sent him over. He got there a good 30 minutes before my mom did and calmed me down a lot so I am really glad he came over!
The nurse got me set up on an IV and brought in a bunch of paperwork for me to go over. Like I mentioned before, I'd suggest signing the epidural/anesthetic form before hand 'just in case'. Once you get any other pain medication you're considered under the influence and they will NOT give you an epidural if you change your mind. They won't force it on you either though. So after that the midwife came in and "checked" me to see how dialated I was (FYI - they stick like their entire freaking hand inside of you and it doesn't feel good! I was NOT expecting that which made it a little worse.. I dunno how I thought they'd check to see if you were dialated or not but that wasn't close to what I was expecting). I was only at 1cm and 50% effaced or whatever, so the midwife told me she was gonna give me something to dialate me and get my cervix ready for pushing. I didn't catch the name of the stuff she used but it was basically medicine on a giant shoelace that they stuffed inside of me right up against my cervix. They told me they'd leave it in for 12 hours and then come back in the morning to start me on Pitocin to start the labor. There was a very small chance that I could go into labor with the shoelace medicine but it was an incredibly small chance (and I didn't, lol). They put the stuff in at about 4:30-5pm I think? They told me that since the shoelace stuff would be done before 6am that they wouldn't start me till six in case I wanted an epidural because the anesthesiologists didn't come in till six.
So begin the waiting game.. My husband got to the hospital and my parents left around 8ish to get some sleep. We had Mitch's sister drive some DVD's and food over for Mitch cause we were really bored and he was hungry. Of course I could only eat ice chips and popsicles so we were careful to sneak the food in so he wouldn't get in trouble, hehe (you should see if your hospital has popsicles, it sounds silly but they really do help stave off hunger, especially if you're not gonna be allowed to eat for 12+ hours). After they put the shoelace inside of me I started having cramps like you'd get with your period. They started out like contractions - I'd have one for about 15 seconds or so every 10 minutes maybe? They got more frequent and lasted longer as time went on. Around 9pm I got tired of people telling me to "try and get some sleep" and told them there was no way I could sleep with those cramps! I'd doze off for a few minutes only to be woken up from the pain. They were incredibly uncomfortable. The nurse told me that she could give me some medicine through my IV that would help me sleep. Not thinking anything of it I told her that was fine and asked for another popsicle to go with it.
I don't know what medication they used, I really wish I had gotten the name for you! I'd suggest talking to the nurses before you get any kind of painkiller and see if they are going to make you drowsy or loopy. The stuff they put in my IV went into effect within like 30 seconds. I felt like I was drunk, that's about the most accurate explaination.. My head felt huge and heavy, I felt like I was floating all around, couldn't stop laughing, etc.. Unfortunately I don't really remember a lot from that point on due to that medicine they gave me. I slept off and on till about 4:30am. The nurse came in and told me that they were going to start the Pitocin at 5:30 and they wanted to know if I wanted to take a shower or not. I decided I did since I didn't know when I'd feel like taking another so they unhooked me from everything and let me take a shower. I called my mom and woke her up and told her she should come to the hospital cause they were gonna start my labor. She got there a bit before they started it up.
They brought in another IV bag thingy with the Pitocin in it and hooked it into my IV. They started me out at 3 drips a minute I think.. I still was quite out of it, I can't remember if they were still giving me the pain medication or not. I remember asking for it 3 times, the last time I asked for it was about midnight.. so like I said, I don't know if they kept giving it to me or not.. So after I got back into bed at 5:30am I only remember a couple things. I remember waking up and asking if my mom was still there and I remember them waking me up to ask if I wanted the epidural or not. The contractions were waking me up every few minutes and they were pretty painful. Apparently I was having "back labor" which is more painful than regular labor I guess. Makes sense cause I remember thinking it was annoying that I couldn't feel my stomach contracting like you're supposed to.
So the epidural people came in, I have no idea what time.. The had me sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. They swabbed my back off and stuck me with a local anesthetic so I wouldn't feel the tube thing going in. It hurt a little bit but nothing compared to the contractions, lol. After they got it in, they taped it to my back and let me lay down. It was amazing how I couldn't feel the contractions at all after that..
So then the next thing I remember was waking up on my side (apparently my blood pressure went up so they turned me on my side) at about 10:30am with these insane contractions that made me feel like I needed to PUSH. I've read that some women are so numbed with the epidural that they can't tell when they need to push but I could DEFINETLY tell. I think that has something to do with the fact that my mom and I have always been hard to numb (at the dentist, etc) so I don't think the epidural "took" 100%. I could also still feel my right leg and move myself around. While I was having the "push" contractions I remembered something I had read, someone said that pushing against an undialated cervix can make the whole thing take longer, so to help prevent yourself from pushing you were to "pant and blow, hard if you need to" to keep yourself from pushing. That came in REALLY handy, if I hadn't been breathing like that I would have been pushing.
The nurse came in and checked my cervix while I was on my side and told me I was still only at 4cm so I couldn't start pushing. I didn't think much of it cause as soon as the contraction stopped, I was asleep again. The contractions from then on out woke me up each time. About ten minutes later I told my husband to "go find the freaking nurse because I can't NOT push anymore!" I still remember feeling amazed at how my body like took over and knew what to do.. it was an interesting feeling to need to push and know you can't stop yourself from pushing..So he went and got the nurse really fast and she rolled me over on my back and told me I was at 8cm I believe. She said there was still a bit of a "lip" but that if I really couldn't hold it, I could push past it. Sooo the midwife was called and they brought in a couple extra people.. they dropped the end off the bed, popped up the foot holder thingies and told me to scootch down right to the edge.
They put a nurse (or maybe it was a med student - I think I remember one of them in medical school scrubs..) on my left side and my husband stayed on my right. They held my legs in their arms, way apart and pushed them back towards me when it was time for me to push.. They also made me grab my legs and curl myself over my belly as much as I could which was really difficult, the urge to lay out flat and put my hands over my head was really strong! Then for the next contraction the nurse told me I could start pushing and I told her I didn't feel like pushing anymore.. haha. They let me lay there for one contraction and then on the next I felt like I needed to push again. So basically - pushing out a baby felt pretty much like I expected it to which was interesting. I didn't even think about asking for a mirror to watch, I was concentrating SO HARD on pushing.. and it was hard to push! For each contraction they'd make me start to push, the nurse would count to ten then tell me to take a deep breath and push again. I had to do that 3 times for each contraction. They make you do it 3 times during each contraction cause it's apparently like one of those "two steps forward, one step back" type things.. After the first 5 or so contractions I could feel his head coming out and it was insane! It was like I could feel every detail of his face, his eyeballs coming out and his nose coming out and his mouth coming out..
After his head was out they told me to give one more push and his body came out. As soon as he was all the way out, the put him up on my tummy to wipe him off. I don't remember much about that but I do remember him being grey.. don't freak out about that! Babies don't get their pigment till a few minutes after they're born so that's normal. They clipped him up and helped my husband cut the umbilical cord and then took him across the room to this little bin with a light over it. My sister in law told me that once they pulled the baby out it was the weirdest feeling ever to be so full and then so empty in the next second but honestly all I can remember thinking was "Oh God YES!" = YAY it's over! Apparently before I started pushing I asked a nurse how long it was going to take cause I remember her telling me afterwards that I pushed for 17 minutes before he was born. Honestly, it did not feel like that long! If I'd had to guess I would have said five minutes at most, lol.
So then the midwife had to stitch me up because I tore a little. The actual tearing wasn't as bad as I expected, every time I'd think about it I'd imagine hearing a ripping noise and feeling myself split apart but honestly all you can feel is the gigantic alien trying to get out of you! The stitching up part was kinda painful though.. she put 2 stitches on the outside and I dunno how many on the inside.. After that they lowered me down and fixed the bed again so I could lay back a bit. They brought some food in for me immediately and I also sent my dad out to checkers for a gigantic burger and fries.. I ate the burger and fries and whatever it was they brought for me to eat as well! While I was eating the Lactation Consultant came in and helped me get started on breastfeeding. It was a little weird feeding him and eating at the same time butI got over that really quick, lol. They let me rest for a few minutes while they cleaned everything up and the baby was eating.. and then my husband packed everything up and we were taken to our recovery room. Thankfully we had the whole room to ourselves all night! It would have been insanely stressful to have to share with another mom and brand new baby..
That's about all I can remember.. :)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
More impatience and lots of apprehension?
Now that there is a *visible* end date for this pregnancy I'm beginning to get a bit nervous. I may sound cocky for saying this but mostly I'm thinking of it as a blessing... There are a LOT of new moms out there that have been/are/will be SO nervous and anxious and scared to bring home their new little baby. I AM a bit nervous about it but not for some of the reasons they would be. My husband has had a little one before, so he knows what to do. Granted our two children aren't the same, it's been a while since he's done this AND he won't be here 24/7 but you have no idea how much relief that brings me, knowing that I can fall back on him if I need to let myself go a bit.
I mean I know I could do that anyways (and I SHOULD be able to do that) I just tend to be such a control freak, having to be in control of everything ALWAYS. It's taken me soso long to be able to be able to give certain aspects of my life over to my husband, not entirely because I don't trust him but mostly because I have never had to do that before! I'm so used to being the one in control. It took me AGES after he got his license to trust/allow him to drive me around. And he's good at it! My only complaint is that he stops a bit harder than I'd like but all in all he is a very safe driver and I have no doubts I'll be comfortable letting him drive our son around (hehe).
So then the other thing that sorta helps me not be so nervous is the fact that I've had a good bit of experience with brand new babies. I babysat for quite a few months back when I was about 15/16 for a 2 year old boy and a brand new baby girl. I also spent a good bit of time around my little *niece* when she was born.. including sleeping with her in the living room so I could get up with her when she fussed. So I'm not worried about *not hearing* my son when he fusses or anything.. Like I've said to a few other people - I am not even sure I'll be able to fall asleep when he does! It's gonna take me some getting used to and a massive amount of trust placed in God.
One of the most common pieces of advice I've heard (besides "enjoy your time with them because they grow up SO FAST!") is "sleep when the baby sleeps!". That idea sounded all fine and dandy to begin with, who am I to object to several naps a day? But then I had a thought yesterday morning that went something along the lines of "How in the world am I supposed to SLEEP when he's sleeping? What if he stops breathing? What if I fall asleep and then wake up and he's dead?" >.< Yikes. I suppose that's probably a typical thought process for all new moms and dads and I know it will pass soon enough.. but I do forsee myself losing a bit of sleep over that one.
Other than that.. I'm not really incredibly nervous about anything baby-wise. I did warn my husband that I'm probably going to be freaking out and/or crying on the way to the hospital Wednesday.. just cause.. well, you know, that's gonna be like my last day as a "not-mom"! And I don't mean that in a "omg I regret this" sort of way, it's just a scary thought you know? Babies are awesome and I am SO looking forward to this experience but I've found myself doing a lot of thinking lately..
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and hates us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and lies to us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and strays from the faith we will raise him in?
Etc, etc, etc...
Sometimes I wonder how my parents managed to raise us girls to turn out the way we did. I mean I know I've made some mistakes (all in all I wouldn't go back and change a single one of them though - they've made me into who I am today and given me this sort of experience that I can use for others benefit) and I know I'm not a perfect person... but I think my parents did a great job with my sisters and I. We don't do drugs, we don't sleep around, we don't drink, we love the Lord and we all five have amazing relationships with each other. It still amazes me sometimes how some families can be so far apart from each other, I couldn't IMAGINE my life without my sisters and my parents. And my brother! He's cool too. ;)
I worry a little about if our children will be close to each other.. but then I sorta realize that how we raise them has a lot to do with that. If we spend our time together rather than apart... bam! We love each other! ;) Hehe. I do think that all the time my sisters and I spent together growing up has a lot to do with how we interact with each other today. I also think the family dinners and game nights and everything else we all did together had a lot to do with it.
The thought of raising a family is EXHAUSTING and exhilirating at the same time. I'm excited about starting this amazing, beautiful journey with my husband. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
/end long and rambly.
:)
I mean I know I could do that anyways (and I SHOULD be able to do that) I just tend to be such a control freak, having to be in control of everything ALWAYS. It's taken me soso long to be able to be able to give certain aspects of my life over to my husband, not entirely because I don't trust him but mostly because I have never had to do that before! I'm so used to being the one in control. It took me AGES after he got his license to trust/allow him to drive me around. And he's good at it! My only complaint is that he stops a bit harder than I'd like but all in all he is a very safe driver and I have no doubts I'll be comfortable letting him drive our son around (hehe).
So then the other thing that sorta helps me not be so nervous is the fact that I've had a good bit of experience with brand new babies. I babysat for quite a few months back when I was about 15/16 for a 2 year old boy and a brand new baby girl. I also spent a good bit of time around my little *niece* when she was born.. including sleeping with her in the living room so I could get up with her when she fussed. So I'm not worried about *not hearing* my son when he fusses or anything.. Like I've said to a few other people - I am not even sure I'll be able to fall asleep when he does! It's gonna take me some getting used to and a massive amount of trust placed in God.
One of the most common pieces of advice I've heard (besides "enjoy your time with them because they grow up SO FAST!") is "sleep when the baby sleeps!". That idea sounded all fine and dandy to begin with, who am I to object to several naps a day? But then I had a thought yesterday morning that went something along the lines of "How in the world am I supposed to SLEEP when he's sleeping? What if he stops breathing? What if I fall asleep and then wake up and he's dead?" >.< Yikes. I suppose that's probably a typical thought process for all new moms and dads and I know it will pass soon enough.. but I do forsee myself losing a bit of sleep over that one.
Other than that.. I'm not really incredibly nervous about anything baby-wise. I did warn my husband that I'm probably going to be freaking out and/or crying on the way to the hospital Wednesday.. just cause.. well, you know, that's gonna be like my last day as a "not-mom"! And I don't mean that in a "omg I regret this" sort of way, it's just a scary thought you know? Babies are awesome and I am SO looking forward to this experience but I've found myself doing a lot of thinking lately..
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and hates us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and lies to us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and strays from the faith we will raise him in?
Etc, etc, etc...
Sometimes I wonder how my parents managed to raise us girls to turn out the way we did. I mean I know I've made some mistakes (all in all I wouldn't go back and change a single one of them though - they've made me into who I am today and given me this sort of experience that I can use for others benefit) and I know I'm not a perfect person... but I think my parents did a great job with my sisters and I. We don't do drugs, we don't sleep around, we don't drink, we love the Lord and we all five have amazing relationships with each other. It still amazes me sometimes how some families can be so far apart from each other, I couldn't IMAGINE my life without my sisters and my parents. And my brother! He's cool too. ;)
I worry a little about if our children will be close to each other.. but then I sorta realize that how we raise them has a lot to do with that. If we spend our time together rather than apart... bam! We love each other! ;) Hehe. I do think that all the time my sisters and I spent together growing up has a lot to do with how we interact with each other today. I also think the family dinners and game nights and everything else we all did together had a lot to do with it.
The thought of raising a family is EXHAUSTING and exhilirating at the same time. I'm excited about starting this amazing, beautiful journey with my husband. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
/end long and rambly.
:)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Blah, blah, blah.
I realized something today on my way to the grocery store with my sister in law... I've totally gone back to "wishing my life away" - something my mom always warned me about. Boo! I'm wishing, wishing, wishing that he'll get here, that my birthday will get here, that Christmas will get here and then expecting everything to completely slow down after the 1st of the year so that I can catch up and enjoy my baby... but that's not going to be the case, is it? Things go faster and faster as you grow up, not slower and slower. Well, 'cept maybe those cars on the road with the old people in them. ;)
Anyways, I've decided that I need to enjoy these last couple weeks before Floaty gets here. Cause gosh, once he gets here I'm gonna be WISHING I could get this time back, if even for a moment! I'm gonna maybe go take a relaxing bath, organize my bathroom, paint my nails, give myself a pedicure.. Just some little things to enjoy myself and this time before the baby gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll set up something romantic with the hubby. :) Dang, I wish I'd thought of that before we left the grocery store today.. nothing says "I love you" like chocolate covered strawberries! ;)
So, I'm gonna go grab some lunch (cause I'm finally hungry after breakfast at 6:30am) and then finish up some stuff I've been needing to do. I have to clean out the baby's bassinet (I like to stick my clothes there, they're nice and handy =P), clean out his crib and put the finishing touches on my hospital bag and his area of baby stuff.. cause I KNOW I'm not going to want to do that when I get home from the hospital! And it needs to get done. Then maybe I'll paint my nails and see if I have any DVR'd "Good Eats" to watch. =D
Anyways, I've decided that I need to enjoy these last couple weeks before Floaty gets here. Cause gosh, once he gets here I'm gonna be WISHING I could get this time back, if even for a moment! I'm gonna maybe go take a relaxing bath, organize my bathroom, paint my nails, give myself a pedicure.. Just some little things to enjoy myself and this time before the baby gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll set up something romantic with the hubby. :) Dang, I wish I'd thought of that before we left the grocery store today.. nothing says "I love you" like chocolate covered strawberries! ;)
So, I'm gonna go grab some lunch (cause I'm finally hungry after breakfast at 6:30am) and then finish up some stuff I've been needing to do. I have to clean out the baby's bassinet (I like to stick my clothes there, they're nice and handy =P), clean out his crib and put the finishing touches on my hospital bag and his area of baby stuff.. cause I KNOW I'm not going to want to do that when I get home from the hospital! And it needs to get done. Then maybe I'll paint my nails and see if I have any DVR'd "Good Eats" to watch. =D
Grrr. ARGH!
Yesterday was CRAZY. It started out frustrating... then it got "good" then it was frustrating/good. Make sense?
I had a doctors appointment yesterday and was also supposed to pick up a second carseat at the Health Department. Everyone at the health department had okay'd it and said it was fine for me to get a second one. So I show up at the Health Department at 9am with my money, pay and sit down to wait for the cop that hands them out. He gets there and doesn't even bother to listen to why I wanted a second carseat and decides that I don't need another one. JERK! Who is he to decide how I use my carseats and how I don't? (oh yeah, the guy that hands them out... >.<) I was so mad I wanted to hit something. I've never been mad at a cop before.. but then all the other cops I've interacted with have been pulling me over for something. =P
Sooo since I didn't get my carseat we had two hours to kill before my doctors appointment in the same place. Welllllll something was messed up with hubby and I's bank account so sis-in-law drove me over to Suntrust so I could fix it. I got in there and spent about 10 minutes at someones desk where she cleared up the bank account and gave us our $3.62 back. LOL. Sounds kinda silly but quite honestly I would not have been very pleasant company if I hadn't been able to get it fixed. >.< That made the day better knowing that I didn't have to put $33 of my car insurance money into the stupid bank account..
After that we had to go wash sis-in-law's car (white car = dirty lots!) and then we went to eat at Denny's cause she had sorta a buy-one-get-one coupon for burgers! I know that Denny's does great breakfast... but they do burgers great as well! YUM. I had a bacon chedder burger with lettuce, ketchup, mustard and..... you guessed it... A1 sauce! I'd love to have another one... alas!
OB appointment was next! That wasn't so bad either. I like going in to the health department for my appointments cause the two ladies there that did the Centering meetings remember me.. and it's always nice to be remembered. =D I talked to my nurse practitioner about a couple different things I needed to talk about.. asked a few questions.. and then she told me that I *really* needed to get in to my hospital (cause it's not normally one they "do business with") and talk to them about my 2 different due dates. She wanted me to go as soon as possible so sis-in-law dropped me off at my moms and mom took me to the hospital.
Begin the last half of the day!
We got to the hospital at almost exactly 2pm. Sat around for about 10-15 minutes and waited for the Admitting lady to call me and get my story/fill out paperwork. BTW it sucks having to explain my crazy/silly situation to like five seperate people! Anyways, she got all my stuff filled out and scheduled me for an ultrasound by their own ultrasound tech so that the midwife upstairs could look at it. Then Bob came and WHEELED ME to the ultrasound waiting room. I rode... in a wheelchair... It was fun and slightly embarassing at the same time. Bob was old. HE looked like I should be pushing HIM in the wheelchair! =O hehe!
Got the ultrasound done.. and just for the record the lady (okay, I forgot her name..) that did the ultrasound was GOOD. You could tell she'd been doing it for a while, she didn't drag the wand thing all over my stomach (that's pretty painful at 9 months along!) she lifted it and moved it and then set it down again. And it was the least-tickly ultrasound I've gotten to date. :) That is always a plus.
After the ultrasound they sent me up (and yes I had to walk this time =P) to Labor & Delivery to talk to the midwife and have an NST (non-stress test) done to check out the baby. They had me completely undress and put on one of those awkward hospital gowns that don't like large people.. especially pregnant large people.. (I'll admit, I only worried about some random nurse seeing my naked backside for about fifteen minutes.. I got over the caring about it reeeeallly fast) After peeing in a cup they had me lay down on the bed and hooked me up to this machine so they could moniter the baby's heartbeat and my heartbeat/blood pressure as well.
Sooo all is well, I'm laying there... laying there.. laying there.. we waited THREE HOURS for my urine test to come back! And then the nurse came in to tell me (the nurse was awesome by the way) that they'd gotten my urinalisys (err however you spell that) back BUT my blood pressure had gone up and it worried them so they wanted to run some labs on me and see how they came back.
The lab lady came up about 6:20 to get my bloodz, we got the results back around 7:30ish and were out by 8. Finally! I was beginning to think they were going to keep me there forever...hehe! The nurse told me I need to watch what I eat for these last couple weeks or whatever. Apparently that AMAZING hamburger I had earlier that day was the cause of my spike in blood pressure. That and the fact that it was *really* hard to lay like they were wanting me to lay..
Somewhere in all that the midwife on call came in to talk to me for a few minutes and I must say.. I reallyreallyreally hope she's the one on call when I go into labor! She was funny and really nice.. I told mom later that I'd be completely at ease with her and she wouldn't annoy me at all! lol. I'm a little worried about snapping and yelling at everyone in the room at one point or the other... but I'm gonna do my best not to! :)
Being in the hospital was a good experiance for me I think cause it sorta helped me hit that final "ohmygosh this is really happening" stage. It took me 9 months to get used to the idea of myself being pregnant... now that I'm used to the idea of being pregnant I'm having to get used to the idea of NOT being pregnant and having this squalling little kiddo totally depending on me.. (not really sure why I said it like that - cause that's not at all how I view it. =P) Anyways. Being in that labor and delivery room was like a mini-wake-up call. It freaked me OUT! There was this stand...machiney..type THING in the room off to the side where the plunk the baby down to weigh him and make sure he's alright and probably cut the umbilical cord, etc.. That "stand" thingy is what freaked me out. (okay, it's not scary looking - it was the idea that "wow, I'm going to pop out a baby and he's going to be laying RIGHT OVER THERE" that freaked me out.) Yeargh.
So anyways my sweet husband came to pick me up from the hospital.. we got home around 8:30 where he helped me in to bed and gave me this incredibly soothing massagey-rub-down thing.. I don't think I've fallen asleep so fast before! I'm gonna have him give me another one cause last night was about the best night of sleep I've had since my back started hurting.
Ahhhhhh okay. I think that's about all for now.. Sis-in-law and I have to go grocery shopping cause we're out of food! And hubby is out of Mountain Dew, imagine that.. :)
I had a doctors appointment yesterday and was also supposed to pick up a second carseat at the Health Department. Everyone at the health department had okay'd it and said it was fine for me to get a second one. So I show up at the Health Department at 9am with my money, pay and sit down to wait for the cop that hands them out. He gets there and doesn't even bother to listen to why I wanted a second carseat and decides that I don't need another one. JERK! Who is he to decide how I use my carseats and how I don't? (oh yeah, the guy that hands them out... >.<) I was so mad I wanted to hit something. I've never been mad at a cop before.. but then all the other cops I've interacted with have been pulling me over for something. =P
Sooo since I didn't get my carseat we had two hours to kill before my doctors appointment in the same place. Welllllll something was messed up with hubby and I's bank account so sis-in-law drove me over to Suntrust so I could fix it. I got in there and spent about 10 minutes at someones desk where she cleared up the bank account and gave us our $3.62 back. LOL. Sounds kinda silly but quite honestly I would not have been very pleasant company if I hadn't been able to get it fixed. >.< That made the day better knowing that I didn't have to put $33 of my car insurance money into the stupid bank account..
After that we had to go wash sis-in-law's car (white car = dirty lots!) and then we went to eat at Denny's cause she had sorta a buy-one-get-one coupon for burgers! I know that Denny's does great breakfast... but they do burgers great as well! YUM. I had a bacon chedder burger with lettuce, ketchup, mustard and..... you guessed it... A1 sauce! I'd love to have another one... alas!
OB appointment was next! That wasn't so bad either. I like going in to the health department for my appointments cause the two ladies there that did the Centering meetings remember me.. and it's always nice to be remembered. =D I talked to my nurse practitioner about a couple different things I needed to talk about.. asked a few questions.. and then she told me that I *really* needed to get in to my hospital (cause it's not normally one they "do business with") and talk to them about my 2 different due dates. She wanted me to go as soon as possible so sis-in-law dropped me off at my moms and mom took me to the hospital.
Begin the last half of the day!
We got to the hospital at almost exactly 2pm. Sat around for about 10-15 minutes and waited for the Admitting lady to call me and get my story/fill out paperwork. BTW it sucks having to explain my crazy/silly situation to like five seperate people! Anyways, she got all my stuff filled out and scheduled me for an ultrasound by their own ultrasound tech so that the midwife upstairs could look at it. Then Bob came and WHEELED ME to the ultrasound waiting room. I rode... in a wheelchair... It was fun and slightly embarassing at the same time. Bob was old. HE looked like I should be pushing HIM in the wheelchair! =O hehe!
Got the ultrasound done.. and just for the record the lady (okay, I forgot her name..) that did the ultrasound was GOOD. You could tell she'd been doing it for a while, she didn't drag the wand thing all over my stomach (that's pretty painful at 9 months along!) she lifted it and moved it and then set it down again. And it was the least-tickly ultrasound I've gotten to date. :) That is always a plus.
After the ultrasound they sent me up (and yes I had to walk this time =P) to Labor & Delivery to talk to the midwife and have an NST (non-stress test) done to check out the baby. They had me completely undress and put on one of those awkward hospital gowns that don't like large people.. especially pregnant large people.. (I'll admit, I only worried about some random nurse seeing my naked backside for about fifteen minutes.. I got over the caring about it reeeeallly fast) After peeing in a cup they had me lay down on the bed and hooked me up to this machine so they could moniter the baby's heartbeat and my heartbeat/blood pressure as well.
Sooo all is well, I'm laying there... laying there.. laying there.. we waited THREE HOURS for my urine test to come back! And then the nurse came in to tell me (the nurse was awesome by the way) that they'd gotten my urinalisys (err however you spell that) back BUT my blood pressure had gone up and it worried them so they wanted to run some labs on me and see how they came back.
The lab lady came up about 6:20 to get my bloodz, we got the results back around 7:30ish and were out by 8. Finally! I was beginning to think they were going to keep me there forever...hehe! The nurse told me I need to watch what I eat for these last couple weeks or whatever. Apparently that AMAZING hamburger I had earlier that day was the cause of my spike in blood pressure. That and the fact that it was *really* hard to lay like they were wanting me to lay..
Somewhere in all that the midwife on call came in to talk to me for a few minutes and I must say.. I reallyreallyreally hope she's the one on call when I go into labor! She was funny and really nice.. I told mom later that I'd be completely at ease with her and she wouldn't annoy me at all! lol. I'm a little worried about snapping and yelling at everyone in the room at one point or the other... but I'm gonna do my best not to! :)
Being in the hospital was a good experiance for me I think cause it sorta helped me hit that final "ohmygosh this is really happening" stage. It took me 9 months to get used to the idea of myself being pregnant... now that I'm used to the idea of being pregnant I'm having to get used to the idea of NOT being pregnant and having this squalling little kiddo totally depending on me.. (not really sure why I said it like that - cause that's not at all how I view it. =P) Anyways. Being in that labor and delivery room was like a mini-wake-up call. It freaked me OUT! There was this stand...machiney..type THING in the room off to the side where the plunk the baby down to weigh him and make sure he's alright and probably cut the umbilical cord, etc.. That "stand" thingy is what freaked me out. (okay, it's not scary looking - it was the idea that "wow, I'm going to pop out a baby and he's going to be laying RIGHT OVER THERE" that freaked me out.) Yeargh.
So anyways my sweet husband came to pick me up from the hospital.. we got home around 8:30 where he helped me in to bed and gave me this incredibly soothing massagey-rub-down thing.. I don't think I've fallen asleep so fast before! I'm gonna have him give me another one cause last night was about the best night of sleep I've had since my back started hurting.
Ahhhhhh okay. I think that's about all for now.. Sis-in-law and I have to go grocery shopping cause we're out of food! And hubby is out of Mountain Dew, imagine that.. :)
Monday, November 9, 2009
So technically...
I'm not even a parent yet! I mean, I don't know how much parenting you can actually do with your child still in your stomach.. But I'm getting frustrated with this little one and as always, frustration needs to be worked out with WRITING! It helps sometimes.. In about 20 minutes I need to start getting ready to head over to the Health Department to pick up my carseat and go to my doctors appointment. I'm kinda not looking forward to the doctors appointment... the lady that examines me and makes sure everything is looking okay is really nice and all, that's not the problem.
The problem is the fact that TOMORROW I will hit 40 weeks and I just *know* that I'm not even close (and when I say not even close I mean within the week) to giving birth. I could be wrong but I think its something that women just know.. who knows? I've never done this before.. So anyways like I was saying, the problem with my doctors appointment today is that she's gonna tell me that I have to start scheduling and attending Stress Tests twice a week to make sure the baby is alright. Which is fine I suppose, I wouldn't want the baby getting all stressed out and messed up and stuff. I just don't wanna have to drive an extra hour to the place for the tests! Selfish, yes? Grrrr.
((Oh, its raining outside! Hubby is on his way to work, I hope he gets there alright.. it's not raining too hard though. I bet this is from Hurricane Ida..))
I am soooo frustrated and fed up with being pregnant right now! I feel selfish and terrible for saying that but it's how I'm feeling right now. Meh. I guess I'm allowed to feel frustrated seeing as they've already moved my due date back (my original due date was October 27th) so I'm *technically* two weeks over. I'm also slightly frustrated cause I know they won't induce me till I'm two weeks over my now official due date... which would put me delivering 2 days before Thanksgiving. Which would mean I wouldn't get out of the hospital till - you guessed it - Thanksgiving! And that's just not good for me! My sisters aren't coming back from college this year for Thanksgiving so it's up to my momma and I to do the cooking for our small get-together.. She doesn't need to be doing all that work..
And then there lies my other problem, being patient and trusting that God knows what he is doing! BLAH. It's so hard to do that when it's human nature to worry about EVERYTHING and its BROTHER. It's so much easier to worry about things than to let them go.. at least it's easier for me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I never thought I'd meet the love of my life.. I finally gave up worrying about it (that only took me 7 years) and met Mitch not long after. I never thought I'd get pregnant (especially cause we weren't even using protection like we should have been!) and when I finally start giving that one to God, I got pregnant. Those things are understandably harder to give up because you don't look at the timer and go "mmkay, bake for 9-10 months and DONE!" they just happen when they happen. THIS one I'm worrying about actually has an estimated due date and I STILL can't let it go!
What if it doesn't work out exactly like I want it to? Well... since when do I get to say how my world is run!? I cannot see everything, I don't know everything.. therefore I don't KNOW when it's best for this baby to be born. God will not give me more than I can handle. Plus I didn't want him to be born before his stroller got here... his stroller isn't estimated to arrive till 11/11 - 11/16 so God is probably banging His head against the wall going "MAKE UP YOUR MIND CHILD!"
That's the frustration I bring to others.....
Alright, I still have six minutes before I need to start getting ready but I do move a lot slower now.. and I think I've run out enough steam that I'll be able to peacefully breeeeaaaaathe my way through today. I get to go yell at my bank today too.. ohjoy =/
Later. :)
The problem is the fact that TOMORROW I will hit 40 weeks and I just *know* that I'm not even close (and when I say not even close I mean within the week) to giving birth. I could be wrong but I think its something that women just know.. who knows? I've never done this before.. So anyways like I was saying, the problem with my doctors appointment today is that she's gonna tell me that I have to start scheduling and attending Stress Tests twice a week to make sure the baby is alright. Which is fine I suppose, I wouldn't want the baby getting all stressed out and messed up and stuff. I just don't wanna have to drive an extra hour to the place for the tests! Selfish, yes? Grrrr.
((Oh, its raining outside! Hubby is on his way to work, I hope he gets there alright.. it's not raining too hard though. I bet this is from Hurricane Ida..))
I am soooo frustrated and fed up with being pregnant right now! I feel selfish and terrible for saying that but it's how I'm feeling right now. Meh. I guess I'm allowed to feel frustrated seeing as they've already moved my due date back (my original due date was October 27th) so I'm *technically* two weeks over. I'm also slightly frustrated cause I know they won't induce me till I'm two weeks over my now official due date... which would put me delivering 2 days before Thanksgiving. Which would mean I wouldn't get out of the hospital till - you guessed it - Thanksgiving! And that's just not good for me! My sisters aren't coming back from college this year for Thanksgiving so it's up to my momma and I to do the cooking for our small get-together.. She doesn't need to be doing all that work..
And then there lies my other problem, being patient and trusting that God knows what he is doing! BLAH. It's so hard to do that when it's human nature to worry about EVERYTHING and its BROTHER. It's so much easier to worry about things than to let them go.. at least it's easier for me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I never thought I'd meet the love of my life.. I finally gave up worrying about it (that only took me 7 years) and met Mitch not long after. I never thought I'd get pregnant (especially cause we weren't even using protection like we should have been!) and when I finally start giving that one to God, I got pregnant. Those things are understandably harder to give up because you don't look at the timer and go "mmkay, bake for 9-10 months and DONE!" they just happen when they happen. THIS one I'm worrying about actually has an estimated due date and I STILL can't let it go!
What if it doesn't work out exactly like I want it to? Well... since when do I get to say how my world is run!? I cannot see everything, I don't know everything.. therefore I don't KNOW when it's best for this baby to be born. God will not give me more than I can handle. Plus I didn't want him to be born before his stroller got here... his stroller isn't estimated to arrive till 11/11 - 11/16 so God is probably banging His head against the wall going "MAKE UP YOUR MIND CHILD!"
That's the frustration I bring to others.....
Alright, I still have six minutes before I need to start getting ready but I do move a lot slower now.. and I think I've run out enough steam that I'll be able to peacefully breeeeaaaaathe my way through today. I get to go yell at my bank today too.. ohjoy =/
Later. :)
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