Now that there is a *visible* end date for this pregnancy I'm beginning to get a bit nervous. I may sound cocky for saying this but mostly I'm thinking of it as a blessing... There are a LOT of new moms out there that have been/are/will be SO nervous and anxious and scared to bring home their new little baby. I AM a bit nervous about it but not for some of the reasons they would be. My husband has had a little one before, so he knows what to do. Granted our two children aren't the same, it's been a while since he's done this AND he won't be here 24/7 but you have no idea how much relief that brings me, knowing that I can fall back on him if I need to let myself go a bit.
I mean I know I could do that anyways (and I SHOULD be able to do that) I just tend to be such a control freak, having to be in control of everything ALWAYS. It's taken me soso long to be able to be able to give certain aspects of my life over to my husband, not entirely because I don't trust him but mostly because I have never had to do that before! I'm so used to being the one in control. It took me AGES after he got his license to trust/allow him to drive me around. And he's good at it! My only complaint is that he stops a bit harder than I'd like but all in all he is a very safe driver and I have no doubts I'll be comfortable letting him drive our son around (hehe).
So then the other thing that sorta helps me not be so nervous is the fact that I've had a good bit of experience with brand new babies. I babysat for quite a few months back when I was about 15/16 for a 2 year old boy and a brand new baby girl. I also spent a good bit of time around my little *niece* when she was born.. including sleeping with her in the living room so I could get up with her when she fussed. So I'm not worried about *not hearing* my son when he fusses or anything.. Like I've said to a few other people - I am not even sure I'll be able to fall asleep when he does! It's gonna take me some getting used to and a massive amount of trust placed in God.
One of the most common pieces of advice I've heard (besides "enjoy your time with them because they grow up SO FAST!") is "sleep when the baby sleeps!". That idea sounded all fine and dandy to begin with, who am I to object to several naps a day? But then I had a thought yesterday morning that went something along the lines of "How in the world am I supposed to SLEEP when he's sleeping? What if he stops breathing? What if I fall asleep and then wake up and he's dead?" >.< Yikes. I suppose that's probably a typical thought process for all new moms and dads and I know it will pass soon enough.. but I do forsee myself losing a bit of sleep over that one.
Other than that.. I'm not really incredibly nervous about anything baby-wise. I did warn my husband that I'm probably going to be freaking out and/or crying on the way to the hospital Wednesday.. just cause.. well, you know, that's gonna be like my last day as a "not-mom"! And I don't mean that in a "omg I regret this" sort of way, it's just a scary thought you know? Babies are awesome and I am SO looking forward to this experience but I've found myself doing a lot of thinking lately..
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and hates us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and lies to us?
What if we do something wrong and he grows up and strays from the faith we will raise him in?
Etc, etc, etc...
Sometimes I wonder how my parents managed to raise us girls to turn out the way we did. I mean I know I've made some mistakes (all in all I wouldn't go back and change a single one of them though - they've made me into who I am today and given me this sort of experience that I can use for others benefit) and I know I'm not a perfect person... but I think my parents did a great job with my sisters and I. We don't do drugs, we don't sleep around, we don't drink, we love the Lord and we all five have amazing relationships with each other. It still amazes me sometimes how some families can be so far apart from each other, I couldn't IMAGINE my life without my sisters and my parents. And my brother! He's cool too. ;)
I worry a little about if our children will be close to each other.. but then I sorta realize that how we raise them has a lot to do with that. If we spend our time together rather than apart... bam! We love each other! ;) Hehe. I do think that all the time my sisters and I spent together growing up has a lot to do with how we interact with each other today. I also think the family dinners and game nights and everything else we all did together had a lot to do with it.
The thought of raising a family is EXHAUSTING and exhilirating at the same time. I'm excited about starting this amazing, beautiful journey with my husband. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
/end long and rambly.
:)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Blah, blah, blah.
I realized something today on my way to the grocery store with my sister in law... I've totally gone back to "wishing my life away" - something my mom always warned me about. Boo! I'm wishing, wishing, wishing that he'll get here, that my birthday will get here, that Christmas will get here and then expecting everything to completely slow down after the 1st of the year so that I can catch up and enjoy my baby... but that's not going to be the case, is it? Things go faster and faster as you grow up, not slower and slower. Well, 'cept maybe those cars on the road with the old people in them. ;)
Anyways, I've decided that I need to enjoy these last couple weeks before Floaty gets here. Cause gosh, once he gets here I'm gonna be WISHING I could get this time back, if even for a moment! I'm gonna maybe go take a relaxing bath, organize my bathroom, paint my nails, give myself a pedicure.. Just some little things to enjoy myself and this time before the baby gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll set up something romantic with the hubby. :) Dang, I wish I'd thought of that before we left the grocery store today.. nothing says "I love you" like chocolate covered strawberries! ;)
So, I'm gonna go grab some lunch (cause I'm finally hungry after breakfast at 6:30am) and then finish up some stuff I've been needing to do. I have to clean out the baby's bassinet (I like to stick my clothes there, they're nice and handy =P), clean out his crib and put the finishing touches on my hospital bag and his area of baby stuff.. cause I KNOW I'm not going to want to do that when I get home from the hospital! And it needs to get done. Then maybe I'll paint my nails and see if I have any DVR'd "Good Eats" to watch. =D
Anyways, I've decided that I need to enjoy these last couple weeks before Floaty gets here. Cause gosh, once he gets here I'm gonna be WISHING I could get this time back, if even for a moment! I'm gonna maybe go take a relaxing bath, organize my bathroom, paint my nails, give myself a pedicure.. Just some little things to enjoy myself and this time before the baby gets here. Who knows, maybe I'll set up something romantic with the hubby. :) Dang, I wish I'd thought of that before we left the grocery store today.. nothing says "I love you" like chocolate covered strawberries! ;)
So, I'm gonna go grab some lunch (cause I'm finally hungry after breakfast at 6:30am) and then finish up some stuff I've been needing to do. I have to clean out the baby's bassinet (I like to stick my clothes there, they're nice and handy =P), clean out his crib and put the finishing touches on my hospital bag and his area of baby stuff.. cause I KNOW I'm not going to want to do that when I get home from the hospital! And it needs to get done. Then maybe I'll paint my nails and see if I have any DVR'd "Good Eats" to watch. =D
Grrr. ARGH!
Yesterday was CRAZY. It started out frustrating... then it got "good" then it was frustrating/good. Make sense?
I had a doctors appointment yesterday and was also supposed to pick up a second carseat at the Health Department. Everyone at the health department had okay'd it and said it was fine for me to get a second one. So I show up at the Health Department at 9am with my money, pay and sit down to wait for the cop that hands them out. He gets there and doesn't even bother to listen to why I wanted a second carseat and decides that I don't need another one. JERK! Who is he to decide how I use my carseats and how I don't? (oh yeah, the guy that hands them out... >.<) I was so mad I wanted to hit something. I've never been mad at a cop before.. but then all the other cops I've interacted with have been pulling me over for something. =P
Sooo since I didn't get my carseat we had two hours to kill before my doctors appointment in the same place. Welllllll something was messed up with hubby and I's bank account so sis-in-law drove me over to Suntrust so I could fix it. I got in there and spent about 10 minutes at someones desk where she cleared up the bank account and gave us our $3.62 back. LOL. Sounds kinda silly but quite honestly I would not have been very pleasant company if I hadn't been able to get it fixed. >.< That made the day better knowing that I didn't have to put $33 of my car insurance money into the stupid bank account..
After that we had to go wash sis-in-law's car (white car = dirty lots!) and then we went to eat at Denny's cause she had sorta a buy-one-get-one coupon for burgers! I know that Denny's does great breakfast... but they do burgers great as well! YUM. I had a bacon chedder burger with lettuce, ketchup, mustard and..... you guessed it... A1 sauce! I'd love to have another one... alas!
OB appointment was next! That wasn't so bad either. I like going in to the health department for my appointments cause the two ladies there that did the Centering meetings remember me.. and it's always nice to be remembered. =D I talked to my nurse practitioner about a couple different things I needed to talk about.. asked a few questions.. and then she told me that I *really* needed to get in to my hospital (cause it's not normally one they "do business with") and talk to them about my 2 different due dates. She wanted me to go as soon as possible so sis-in-law dropped me off at my moms and mom took me to the hospital.
Begin the last half of the day!
We got to the hospital at almost exactly 2pm. Sat around for about 10-15 minutes and waited for the Admitting lady to call me and get my story/fill out paperwork. BTW it sucks having to explain my crazy/silly situation to like five seperate people! Anyways, she got all my stuff filled out and scheduled me for an ultrasound by their own ultrasound tech so that the midwife upstairs could look at it. Then Bob came and WHEELED ME to the ultrasound waiting room. I rode... in a wheelchair... It was fun and slightly embarassing at the same time. Bob was old. HE looked like I should be pushing HIM in the wheelchair! =O hehe!
Got the ultrasound done.. and just for the record the lady (okay, I forgot her name..) that did the ultrasound was GOOD. You could tell she'd been doing it for a while, she didn't drag the wand thing all over my stomach (that's pretty painful at 9 months along!) she lifted it and moved it and then set it down again. And it was the least-tickly ultrasound I've gotten to date. :) That is always a plus.
After the ultrasound they sent me up (and yes I had to walk this time =P) to Labor & Delivery to talk to the midwife and have an NST (non-stress test) done to check out the baby. They had me completely undress and put on one of those awkward hospital gowns that don't like large people.. especially pregnant large people.. (I'll admit, I only worried about some random nurse seeing my naked backside for about fifteen minutes.. I got over the caring about it reeeeallly fast) After peeing in a cup they had me lay down on the bed and hooked me up to this machine so they could moniter the baby's heartbeat and my heartbeat/blood pressure as well.
Sooo all is well, I'm laying there... laying there.. laying there.. we waited THREE HOURS for my urine test to come back! And then the nurse came in to tell me (the nurse was awesome by the way) that they'd gotten my urinalisys (err however you spell that) back BUT my blood pressure had gone up and it worried them so they wanted to run some labs on me and see how they came back.
The lab lady came up about 6:20 to get my bloodz, we got the results back around 7:30ish and were out by 8. Finally! I was beginning to think they were going to keep me there forever...hehe! The nurse told me I need to watch what I eat for these last couple weeks or whatever. Apparently that AMAZING hamburger I had earlier that day was the cause of my spike in blood pressure. That and the fact that it was *really* hard to lay like they were wanting me to lay..
Somewhere in all that the midwife on call came in to talk to me for a few minutes and I must say.. I reallyreallyreally hope she's the one on call when I go into labor! She was funny and really nice.. I told mom later that I'd be completely at ease with her and she wouldn't annoy me at all! lol. I'm a little worried about snapping and yelling at everyone in the room at one point or the other... but I'm gonna do my best not to! :)
Being in the hospital was a good experiance for me I think cause it sorta helped me hit that final "ohmygosh this is really happening" stage. It took me 9 months to get used to the idea of myself being pregnant... now that I'm used to the idea of being pregnant I'm having to get used to the idea of NOT being pregnant and having this squalling little kiddo totally depending on me.. (not really sure why I said it like that - cause that's not at all how I view it. =P) Anyways. Being in that labor and delivery room was like a mini-wake-up call. It freaked me OUT! There was this stand...machiney..type THING in the room off to the side where the plunk the baby down to weigh him and make sure he's alright and probably cut the umbilical cord, etc.. That "stand" thingy is what freaked me out. (okay, it's not scary looking - it was the idea that "wow, I'm going to pop out a baby and he's going to be laying RIGHT OVER THERE" that freaked me out.) Yeargh.
So anyways my sweet husband came to pick me up from the hospital.. we got home around 8:30 where he helped me in to bed and gave me this incredibly soothing massagey-rub-down thing.. I don't think I've fallen asleep so fast before! I'm gonna have him give me another one cause last night was about the best night of sleep I've had since my back started hurting.
Ahhhhhh okay. I think that's about all for now.. Sis-in-law and I have to go grocery shopping cause we're out of food! And hubby is out of Mountain Dew, imagine that.. :)
I had a doctors appointment yesterday and was also supposed to pick up a second carseat at the Health Department. Everyone at the health department had okay'd it and said it was fine for me to get a second one. So I show up at the Health Department at 9am with my money, pay and sit down to wait for the cop that hands them out. He gets there and doesn't even bother to listen to why I wanted a second carseat and decides that I don't need another one. JERK! Who is he to decide how I use my carseats and how I don't? (oh yeah, the guy that hands them out... >.<) I was so mad I wanted to hit something. I've never been mad at a cop before.. but then all the other cops I've interacted with have been pulling me over for something. =P
Sooo since I didn't get my carseat we had two hours to kill before my doctors appointment in the same place. Welllllll something was messed up with hubby and I's bank account so sis-in-law drove me over to Suntrust so I could fix it. I got in there and spent about 10 minutes at someones desk where she cleared up the bank account and gave us our $3.62 back. LOL. Sounds kinda silly but quite honestly I would not have been very pleasant company if I hadn't been able to get it fixed. >.< That made the day better knowing that I didn't have to put $33 of my car insurance money into the stupid bank account..
After that we had to go wash sis-in-law's car (white car = dirty lots!) and then we went to eat at Denny's cause she had sorta a buy-one-get-one coupon for burgers! I know that Denny's does great breakfast... but they do burgers great as well! YUM. I had a bacon chedder burger with lettuce, ketchup, mustard and..... you guessed it... A1 sauce! I'd love to have another one... alas!
OB appointment was next! That wasn't so bad either. I like going in to the health department for my appointments cause the two ladies there that did the Centering meetings remember me.. and it's always nice to be remembered. =D I talked to my nurse practitioner about a couple different things I needed to talk about.. asked a few questions.. and then she told me that I *really* needed to get in to my hospital (cause it's not normally one they "do business with") and talk to them about my 2 different due dates. She wanted me to go as soon as possible so sis-in-law dropped me off at my moms and mom took me to the hospital.
Begin the last half of the day!
We got to the hospital at almost exactly 2pm. Sat around for about 10-15 minutes and waited for the Admitting lady to call me and get my story/fill out paperwork. BTW it sucks having to explain my crazy/silly situation to like five seperate people! Anyways, she got all my stuff filled out and scheduled me for an ultrasound by their own ultrasound tech so that the midwife upstairs could look at it. Then Bob came and WHEELED ME to the ultrasound waiting room. I rode... in a wheelchair... It was fun and slightly embarassing at the same time. Bob was old. HE looked like I should be pushing HIM in the wheelchair! =O hehe!
Got the ultrasound done.. and just for the record the lady (okay, I forgot her name..) that did the ultrasound was GOOD. You could tell she'd been doing it for a while, she didn't drag the wand thing all over my stomach (that's pretty painful at 9 months along!) she lifted it and moved it and then set it down again. And it was the least-tickly ultrasound I've gotten to date. :) That is always a plus.
After the ultrasound they sent me up (and yes I had to walk this time =P) to Labor & Delivery to talk to the midwife and have an NST (non-stress test) done to check out the baby. They had me completely undress and put on one of those awkward hospital gowns that don't like large people.. especially pregnant large people.. (I'll admit, I only worried about some random nurse seeing my naked backside for about fifteen minutes.. I got over the caring about it reeeeallly fast) After peeing in a cup they had me lay down on the bed and hooked me up to this machine so they could moniter the baby's heartbeat and my heartbeat/blood pressure as well.
Sooo all is well, I'm laying there... laying there.. laying there.. we waited THREE HOURS for my urine test to come back! And then the nurse came in to tell me (the nurse was awesome by the way) that they'd gotten my urinalisys (err however you spell that) back BUT my blood pressure had gone up and it worried them so they wanted to run some labs on me and see how they came back.
The lab lady came up about 6:20 to get my bloodz, we got the results back around 7:30ish and were out by 8. Finally! I was beginning to think they were going to keep me there forever...hehe! The nurse told me I need to watch what I eat for these last couple weeks or whatever. Apparently that AMAZING hamburger I had earlier that day was the cause of my spike in blood pressure. That and the fact that it was *really* hard to lay like they were wanting me to lay..
Somewhere in all that the midwife on call came in to talk to me for a few minutes and I must say.. I reallyreallyreally hope she's the one on call when I go into labor! She was funny and really nice.. I told mom later that I'd be completely at ease with her and she wouldn't annoy me at all! lol. I'm a little worried about snapping and yelling at everyone in the room at one point or the other... but I'm gonna do my best not to! :)
Being in the hospital was a good experiance for me I think cause it sorta helped me hit that final "ohmygosh this is really happening" stage. It took me 9 months to get used to the idea of myself being pregnant... now that I'm used to the idea of being pregnant I'm having to get used to the idea of NOT being pregnant and having this squalling little kiddo totally depending on me.. (not really sure why I said it like that - cause that's not at all how I view it. =P) Anyways. Being in that labor and delivery room was like a mini-wake-up call. It freaked me OUT! There was this stand...machiney..type THING in the room off to the side where the plunk the baby down to weigh him and make sure he's alright and probably cut the umbilical cord, etc.. That "stand" thingy is what freaked me out. (okay, it's not scary looking - it was the idea that "wow, I'm going to pop out a baby and he's going to be laying RIGHT OVER THERE" that freaked me out.) Yeargh.
So anyways my sweet husband came to pick me up from the hospital.. we got home around 8:30 where he helped me in to bed and gave me this incredibly soothing massagey-rub-down thing.. I don't think I've fallen asleep so fast before! I'm gonna have him give me another one cause last night was about the best night of sleep I've had since my back started hurting.
Ahhhhhh okay. I think that's about all for now.. Sis-in-law and I have to go grocery shopping cause we're out of food! And hubby is out of Mountain Dew, imagine that.. :)
Monday, November 9, 2009
So technically...
I'm not even a parent yet! I mean, I don't know how much parenting you can actually do with your child still in your stomach.. But I'm getting frustrated with this little one and as always, frustration needs to be worked out with WRITING! It helps sometimes.. In about 20 minutes I need to start getting ready to head over to the Health Department to pick up my carseat and go to my doctors appointment. I'm kinda not looking forward to the doctors appointment... the lady that examines me and makes sure everything is looking okay is really nice and all, that's not the problem.
The problem is the fact that TOMORROW I will hit 40 weeks and I just *know* that I'm not even close (and when I say not even close I mean within the week) to giving birth. I could be wrong but I think its something that women just know.. who knows? I've never done this before.. So anyways like I was saying, the problem with my doctors appointment today is that she's gonna tell me that I have to start scheduling and attending Stress Tests twice a week to make sure the baby is alright. Which is fine I suppose, I wouldn't want the baby getting all stressed out and messed up and stuff. I just don't wanna have to drive an extra hour to the place for the tests! Selfish, yes? Grrrr.
((Oh, its raining outside! Hubby is on his way to work, I hope he gets there alright.. it's not raining too hard though. I bet this is from Hurricane Ida..))
I am soooo frustrated and fed up with being pregnant right now! I feel selfish and terrible for saying that but it's how I'm feeling right now. Meh. I guess I'm allowed to feel frustrated seeing as they've already moved my due date back (my original due date was October 27th) so I'm *technically* two weeks over. I'm also slightly frustrated cause I know they won't induce me till I'm two weeks over my now official due date... which would put me delivering 2 days before Thanksgiving. Which would mean I wouldn't get out of the hospital till - you guessed it - Thanksgiving! And that's just not good for me! My sisters aren't coming back from college this year for Thanksgiving so it's up to my momma and I to do the cooking for our small get-together.. She doesn't need to be doing all that work..
And then there lies my other problem, being patient and trusting that God knows what he is doing! BLAH. It's so hard to do that when it's human nature to worry about EVERYTHING and its BROTHER. It's so much easier to worry about things than to let them go.. at least it's easier for me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I never thought I'd meet the love of my life.. I finally gave up worrying about it (that only took me 7 years) and met Mitch not long after. I never thought I'd get pregnant (especially cause we weren't even using protection like we should have been!) and when I finally start giving that one to God, I got pregnant. Those things are understandably harder to give up because you don't look at the timer and go "mmkay, bake for 9-10 months and DONE!" they just happen when they happen. THIS one I'm worrying about actually has an estimated due date and I STILL can't let it go!
What if it doesn't work out exactly like I want it to? Well... since when do I get to say how my world is run!? I cannot see everything, I don't know everything.. therefore I don't KNOW when it's best for this baby to be born. God will not give me more than I can handle. Plus I didn't want him to be born before his stroller got here... his stroller isn't estimated to arrive till 11/11 - 11/16 so God is probably banging His head against the wall going "MAKE UP YOUR MIND CHILD!"
That's the frustration I bring to others.....
Alright, I still have six minutes before I need to start getting ready but I do move a lot slower now.. and I think I've run out enough steam that I'll be able to peacefully breeeeaaaaathe my way through today. I get to go yell at my bank today too.. ohjoy =/
Later. :)
The problem is the fact that TOMORROW I will hit 40 weeks and I just *know* that I'm not even close (and when I say not even close I mean within the week) to giving birth. I could be wrong but I think its something that women just know.. who knows? I've never done this before.. So anyways like I was saying, the problem with my doctors appointment today is that she's gonna tell me that I have to start scheduling and attending Stress Tests twice a week to make sure the baby is alright. Which is fine I suppose, I wouldn't want the baby getting all stressed out and messed up and stuff. I just don't wanna have to drive an extra hour to the place for the tests! Selfish, yes? Grrrr.
((Oh, its raining outside! Hubby is on his way to work, I hope he gets there alright.. it's not raining too hard though. I bet this is from Hurricane Ida..))
I am soooo frustrated and fed up with being pregnant right now! I feel selfish and terrible for saying that but it's how I'm feeling right now. Meh. I guess I'm allowed to feel frustrated seeing as they've already moved my due date back (my original due date was October 27th) so I'm *technically* two weeks over. I'm also slightly frustrated cause I know they won't induce me till I'm two weeks over my now official due date... which would put me delivering 2 days before Thanksgiving. Which would mean I wouldn't get out of the hospital till - you guessed it - Thanksgiving! And that's just not good for me! My sisters aren't coming back from college this year for Thanksgiving so it's up to my momma and I to do the cooking for our small get-together.. She doesn't need to be doing all that work..
And then there lies my other problem, being patient and trusting that God knows what he is doing! BLAH. It's so hard to do that when it's human nature to worry about EVERYTHING and its BROTHER. It's so much easier to worry about things than to let them go.. at least it's easier for me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I never thought I'd meet the love of my life.. I finally gave up worrying about it (that only took me 7 years) and met Mitch not long after. I never thought I'd get pregnant (especially cause we weren't even using protection like we should have been!) and when I finally start giving that one to God, I got pregnant. Those things are understandably harder to give up because you don't look at the timer and go "mmkay, bake for 9-10 months and DONE!" they just happen when they happen. THIS one I'm worrying about actually has an estimated due date and I STILL can't let it go!
What if it doesn't work out exactly like I want it to? Well... since when do I get to say how my world is run!? I cannot see everything, I don't know everything.. therefore I don't KNOW when it's best for this baby to be born. God will not give me more than I can handle. Plus I didn't want him to be born before his stroller got here... his stroller isn't estimated to arrive till 11/11 - 11/16 so God is probably banging His head against the wall going "MAKE UP YOUR MIND CHILD!"
That's the frustration I bring to others.....
Alright, I still have six minutes before I need to start getting ready but I do move a lot slower now.. and I think I've run out enough steam that I'll be able to peacefully breeeeaaaaathe my way through today. I get to go yell at my bank today too.. ohjoy =/
Later. :)
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