More impatience and lots of apprehension?

Now that there is a *visible* end date for this pregnancy I'm beginning to get a bit nervous. I may sound cocky for saying this but mostly I'm thinking of it as a blessing... There are a LOT of new moms out there that have been/are/will be SO nervous and anxious and scared to bring home their new little baby. I AM a bit nervous about it but not for some of the reasons they would be. My husband has had a little one before, so he knows what to do. Granted our two children aren't the same, it's been a while since he's done this AND he won't be here 24/7 but you have no idea how much relief that brings me, knowing that I can fall back on him if I need to let myself go a bit.

I mean I know I could do that anyways (and I SHOULD be able to do that) I just tend to be such a control freak, having to be in control of everything ALWAYS. It's taken me soso long to be able to be able to give certain aspects of my life over to my husband, not entirely because I don't trust him but mostly because I have never had to do that before! I'm so used to being the one in control. It took me AGES after he got his license to trust/allow him to drive me around. And he's good at it! My only complaint is that he stops a bit harder than I'd like but all in all he is a very safe driver and I have no doubts I'll be comfortable letting him drive our son around (hehe).

So then the other thing that sorta helps me not be so nervous is the fact that I've had a good bit of experience with brand new babies. I babysat for quite a few months back when I was about 15/16 for a 2 year old boy and a brand new baby girl. I also spent a good bit of time around my little *niece* when she was born.. including sleeping with her in the living room so I could get up with her when she fussed. So I'm not worried about *not hearing* my son when he fusses or anything.. Like I've said to a few other people - I am not even sure I'll be able to fall asleep when he does! It's gonna take me some getting used to and a massive amount of trust placed in God.

One of the most common pieces of advice I've heard (besides "enjoy your time with them because they grow up SO FAST!") is "sleep when the baby sleeps!". That idea sounded all fine and dandy to begin with, who am I to object to several naps a day? But then I had a thought yesterday morning that went something along the lines of "How in the world am I supposed to SLEEP when he's sleeping? What if he stops breathing? What if I fall asleep and then wake up and he's dead?" >.< Yikes. I suppose that's probably a typical thought process for all new moms and dads and I know it will pass soon enough.. but I do forsee myself losing a bit of sleep over that one.

Other than that.. I'm not really incredibly nervous about anything baby-wise. I did warn my husband that I'm probably going to be freaking out and/or crying on the way to the hospital Wednesday.. just cause.. well, you know, that's gonna be like my last day as a "not-mom"! And I don't mean that in a "omg I regret this" sort of way, it's just a scary thought you know? Babies are awesome and I am SO looking forward to this experience but I've found myself doing a lot of thinking lately..

What if we do something wrong and he grows up and hates us?

What if we do something wrong and he grows up and lies to us?

What if we do something wrong and he grows up and strays from the faith we will raise him in?

Etc, etc, etc...

Sometimes I wonder how my parents managed to raise us girls to turn out the way we did. I mean I know I've made some mistakes (all in all I wouldn't go back and change a single one of them though - they've made me into who I am today and given me this sort of experience that I can use for others benefit) and I know I'm not a perfect person... but I think my parents did a great job with my sisters and I. We don't do drugs, we don't sleep around, we don't drink, we love the Lord and we all five have amazing relationships with each other. It still amazes me sometimes how some families can be so far apart from each other, I couldn't IMAGINE my life without my sisters and my parents. And my brother! He's cool too. ;)

I worry a little about if our children will be close to each other.. but then I sorta realize that how we raise them has a lot to do with that. If we spend our time together rather than apart... bam! We love each other! ;) Hehe. I do think that all the time my sisters and I spent together growing up has a lot to do with how we interact with each other today. I also think the family dinners and game nights and everything else we all did together had a lot to do with it.

The thought of raising a family is EXHAUSTING and exhilirating at the same time. I'm excited about starting this amazing, beautiful journey with my husband. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

/end long and rambly.

:)