Blaaaaahhhhhhhharrrgh.

I don't know what made me think I could be a mom. I don't seem to do much of anything right. People always told me that "you'll be able to tell what they want when they cry" after a few weeks. I waited and waited and waited to be able to tell what he wanted and it never would happen. I would go through the motions every time to figure out what he wanted. Check his diaper, try a bottle, feel his skin to see if he's warm or cold. Tickle him because he might be bored, take him on a walk if all else fails and try to get him to fall asleep. I couldn't ever tell. Sometimes I got lucky a couple times in a row and I started to think "oh hey, I guess that cry means he's hungry" but then the next time he'd cry like that it would be something entirely different. I'm not sure I believe that babies have different cries. I think that some women just have amazing intution into things like that. Some women are cut out to be mothers.

I suppose I'm just being dramatic right now, after all I am having a rough day. Today is one of those days that just refuses to quit, refuses to give you even an inch of 'give', a second of peace or rest. We've all been sick for the past week and a half, myself included. In fact, I was the one that started it. I have no idea where I got it from but I came down with it very quickly. I've been over most of it for about three days now but this stubborn runny nose and slight cough refuses to leave and they're draining my energy. My son got sick about three days ago. He's getting better but his nose is a bit rough and he woke up this morning with what appears to be a nasty cold sore on his lip. A cold sore on his lip? He's eleven months old! How do you treat a cold sore on the lip of an eleven month old baby?
He's frustrated and grumpy and I can't figure out what is wrong with him. He cries and moans and groans and throws fits and cries some more. He doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want anything to drink or to eat. He had a bottle about two hours ago. I went to feed him some lunch (cottage cheese and tuna) a little while ago and gave him some animal crackers to munch on to keep him happy while I put it together. I turned away from him for a few seconds and heard the animal cracker drop to the floor and a whining baby. I figured it was an accident so I gave him another one and sat down for a few seconds (I was still trying to figure out what to make at this point). He put the cracker in his mouth, bit half of it off, looks right at me and then drops it on the floor on purpose and a few seconds later starts whining again.

After I got the lunch fixed, I sat down and started feeding him. He liked it a lot, he ate about ten bites really quickly. All the sudden he starts wiggling around in his chair trying to escape from it. He wouldn't eat any more of the cottage cheese so I gave him another animal cracker, thinking he might actually eat it this time. He ate half of it and goes to drop the other half on the floor. I grabbed it away from him before he could toss it on the floor which made him mad so he started spitting the one in his mouth out. By that point I was losing it..

That is all on top of a bunch of other stuff. I've been trying to crochet hats to sell on Etsy. I've tried this one hat pattern THREE different times and it comes out different every time. This last time it was WAY off but I salvaged it and figured out how to make it look cute. I tried a second hat pattern that I cannot get to work at all. I haven't even completed one yet. It's frustrating me and annoying me that I cannot grasp this simple idea of crocheting, but I'm not giving up.

I have a job now. I've had it for two weeks and I've worked a total of three days. I'm on-call, so I go in when they ask me to come in. I can pick up shifts but nobody's explained how or if it's okay to pick up a shift that's not in my area. I'm okay with that though. What I'm frustrated about is the fact that my mom is my babysitter and she's getting ready to go up to Indiana to be with my grandma for who knows how long. I'm afraid I might lose my job and I need this job because my husband is only making $8 an hour. If I'm not working and bringing in money as well, we're going to be living with my parents forever. =/

That's all..

Ten Weeks Old..

Alright so he was officially ten weeks old yesterday but I didn't think about blogging yesterday, so this is what you get.. I can't believe my baby boy is already 10 weeks old! He is growing and developing so fast. He got to go see his Grandma and Grandpa on Sunday. Grandma and Grandpa hadn't seen him for two whole weeks and Grandma was blown away by how much he had grown since she'd seen him! He is up to about 11.5 pounds now. I'm not sure how long he is cause I haven't measured him but he's almost too long for all of his 0-3 month clothes! We're gonna have to go shopping again... Mommy loves shopping!

I found a website yesterday through one of my fellow mom-friends called "Natural Parenting Tips". It's a little off the wall but I picked through the website and found a few pages/tips that I really like. There were a couple recipes I found on there that I'd like to try, one of them is a cookie recipe with "brewers yeast" in it which apparently helps increase your milk supply. I'm thinking about trying that since the other stuff I've been trying doesn't seem to work. :(

They also had some great ideas for finger foods for babies that are learning to eat solid food.. and a recipe for "baby rusks" which I assume are for teething but I will probably ask my mom cause I don't know for sure. =P

They also explained their views on birthdays and Christmas which I thought were kinda neat.. They don't want Christmas to be all about "OMGPRESENTS!!!!!", they want it to be more about seeing the friends and family that you don't get to see much.. I know that when I was growing up, of course I was excited about gifts, but I was also excited about seeing my grandparents and my aunts/uncles/cousins that I didn't get to see too often. I loved going over to my Grandma's house and making S'mores with my grandpa in front of the fireplace..

So anyways, these people that write this website/blog thingie put "criteria" on the presents that they get for their kiddos cause they noticed that the really loud/annoying toys ended up "getting lost" under their bed with the batteries out.. Or buried in the bottom of the toy box after only a couple weeks of being played with. They want things that will be fun for a long time.


(from: http://www.naturalparentingtips.com/creative-play/christmas-toys-nurture-child/ )
In some way, it must encourage his creativity
It must be long lasting, something he can hand on to his children one day.
If it’s to provide sensory stimulation, it must let my child direct that. (no flashing lights!! or music!!)
It must be non toxic, and environmentally concious.
It must be fun!!

I like the "long lasting" idea and the "non toxic" one and the "creativity" one.. I've been wanting to get him wooden blocks (thanks to my mom for that idea), lego's, tinker toys, linkin logs, etc.. I loved those things growing up and I'm sure he will love them as well. My hubby is excited about getting him legos where he can "build what HE wants, not the ones that say 'you have to build what's on the box' " like the ones specifically to build pirate ships or whatever.. hehe.

So then the page they have for birthdays (from: http://www.naturalparentingtips.com/family-time/birthday-parties-alternative-celebrations/ )is a liiiiiittle bit too "extra" as my sisters would say but I liked a few things I read off of it. I like the time capsule idea, I think it would be fun to open it a few years down the road and go "Oh yeah! I remember that.. I loved that!" I also like the reflecting on the year past.. My hubby and I have started doing that on our anniversaries - along with talking about changes we'd like to make. Plus one of my FAVORITE things when I was little was hearing my mom tell about the day I was born on my birthday. It was fun to hear my sisters 'birth day' stories too.

There is so much to be said about simple things.. Now after reading this blog I'm not saying "omg you're not allowed to buy my kid presents like that" cause I'm sure I'll end up buying him a few of those annoying plastic toys as well.. I'm just using this as a guideline to make my own ideas.. I am all for homemade things buy it's fun to buy things for people as well.

I dunno.. silly blog.. :)

AHHHH! Why is he crying?

So yesterday was rough. First rough day in about 6 weeks I'd say? Baby boy was fine for most of the morning and then around 9-10am or so he just started screaming bloody murder.. I tried to feed him - he wasn't hungry. I changed his diaper - which was only a tiny bit wet. I tried to burp him for several minutes in several positions - nothing came out and he wasn't acting gassy. I needed to get away from it for a minute after a bit of not being able to do anything so I asked my sister in law if she'd watch him so I could take a shower.

I took a shower, got out, brushed my hair, sorta taking my time and all that.. meanwhile I could hear him still screaming out there in her lap. I went out and took him back, she told me that he hadn't been screaming the whole time, just the past couple minutes or so. I took him back into the bedroom and decided to check his diaper again.. still nothing.. I'm standing there looking at him scream on the changing table trying to run ideas through my mind why he might be so upset.

Sister in law came in to my room and helped me check him over. I picked him up and was talking to him really quietly, patting his back and bouncing softly while she tried to look in his ears. He shook his head and pulled away when she tried to look into his right ear so she suggested maybe he had an earache. I panicked a little.. we got denied for his medicaid because the place hubby works wouldn't give him the signed papers he needed until two days too late - how was I supposed to take him to the doctor with no medicaid?

Sis in law suggested I give him a wee little bit of baby tylenol and see what that did. Lucky for me I had some that my mom had bought me like right after I found out I was pregnant! We gave him half of the smallest suggested dose cause you're not supposed to give it to babies under 6 months.. After we gave it to him I put a cloth over my shoulder and took him to sit in the rocking chair and rocked him a bit. Not even TWO MINUTES LATER he was asleep. We took about an hour nap and then a couple hours later took a second hour nap. I don't know what the problem was - maybe he was just so sleepy and couldn't fall asleep.

Anyways he seems to be doing better so far today. I also decided I wanted to try and spend mre time with him rather than being on the computer. I'm quite a hypocrite.. I tell hubby that I don't want us to be a "computer family" where we IM each other to say that dinner is ready.. and here I am spending most of my day on the computer, rocking my son's chair with my foot.

And now that I just admitted all of that I REALLY hate myself. I can't believe I do that! I told myself that I'd stop doing that when he got a little older and wanted to play but if I don't stop now, I won't want to stop then. So... stopping..


:)

My baby is GROWING on me..

I have been having a hard time laying my baby down in his crib and getting him to fall asleep in it.. I figured HEY maybe I should invest in a mobile for the crib, something to hold his attention while he drifts off. So I browse around Target.com looking for a cheaper mobile and found one I really liked. I have found things on Amazon.com for cheaper so I thought I'd head over there and look. I also needed to get some breastmilk/babyfood storage trays that freeze things in one ounce cubes. I found both of them on amazon, one was a bit more expensive but if I used the Super Saver Shipping (5-9 days) I would save six dollars. I am all about saving money so I put the order in and forgot about it a couple days later.

Two weeks later I happened to think "hey, where the heck is my amazon order?" I hopped online to check on it and it hadn't even shipped yet! They had pushed my shipping date back to anywhere from "January 29th to February 8th". Are you kidding me? For six dollars?? I didn't order something frivolous, I needed them when I ordered them! So I cancel my order and go back to Target.com. I ordered them and got them by UPS today. Amazon wouldn't have even shipped them for another month! >.< Stupid "super saver shipping".. that's the last time I'll click that option!

Anyways so I get the mobile today and put it together.. the instructions were really confusing but I eventually got it put together correctly (I think..) and put on the crib. I am not happy with how 'securely' it is attached to the crib so I am going to reinforce it with some string when my hubby gets home and can watch the baby.

By the way.. the baby has been SOOOOO *clingy* today! He does this about every other day and it's rough.. he cries and cries when I put him down even though there is nothing wrong with him. He just wants attention! Mitch says I need to just put him down and let him cry but he will literally cry until I pick him back up! I set him down for almost 15 minutes in his crib today (keeping an eye on him of course) and he just wouldn't stop. I figured all he wanted was attention cause when I bent over his rocking chair to see if anything was wrong, he stopped and stared at my hair! Every time I would move his eyes would follow my hair that had fallen over my shoulder. Just now my niece and nephew came into my room cause he was crying and as soon as they started playing with him he stopped. *sigh*

Sooooo... all that to explain the "growing up on me" title of my blog. I put baby boy in the crib to see how he reacted to the mobile after I got it all set up. I clicked it on and it took a second for him to look up at it but the music drew his attention. There are four little dangling things on it and one of them is darker than the rest, its a dark turquoise horse.. He spotted that and watched it go around and around, his head moved to follow it! I cried a little bit..

He's also been smiling and grinning and cooing a LOT more lately! It started about the middle of last week, one morning he woke up and as I put him on the changing table to change him he gave me this HUGE grin! I've noticed he grins a lot right after he wakes up in the morning and after his longer afternoon nap (IF he takes the afternoon nap).

I've also noticed today that it's officially time to move up to the next diaper size.. Twice today he has leaked up his backside. The first time I noticed it was when I grabbed him to feed him this morning around 6:30am. His diaper was FULL, I've not seen one that full before! I changed his diaper and his clothes, fed him and put him back in the crib to sleep a couple more hours.. when we woke up a few hours later it was full and leaking again. I have heard from several different people that when that happens it's usually time for the next diaper - especially cause his wee-wee was pointed down and it was the backside that leaked.

He's getting so big already... in THREE DAYS he will be two months old!! I can't believe it. It feels like it's been forever and only yesterday all at the same time.

I love my little family.

New Year.. New Me?

Ahhhhh New Years Resolutions... I hate this "time of year" for just that reason. I don't really like calling them resolutions I suppose. It seems so.. cliche.. and so easy to forget - cause that's what everyone DOES with new years resolutions, right? Maybe I will call mine ambitions.. or simply GOALS for 2010. That works..

I talked to my husband about a Goal I wanted us to make for 2010 and 2011, a "two year resolution" if you will. Getting out of debt is really important to me. I know that we can do it and I want to prove it to myself but getting out of debt requires my husband to be 100% on board with it. I have been reading the Dave Ramsey book "The Total Money Makeover" and I'll say this: it is awesome. One thing he says in the beginning of the book is that everything he says in this book is stuff people have been saying for years, it's common sense and all that jazz.. and it's true! What makes the book unique and neat is that he has a plan for people to follow, a general outline of how to DO things, to get stuff done. I like it. I think what I like most about it is that it's going to require us to change our lives so drastically for a year or two so that we can live debt free and never have to live like poor people again. Hey, I could even handle being "poor and happy" as long as we are "poor and debt free" as well!

Soooo the basic plan - from what I've read so far - keeping in mind that I've not been through the whole book yet.. is to create a $1,000 "baby emergency fund" as QUICK as you can. He says to cut back in every area you can, even ones you don't think you can cut back in.. sell things, have a yard sale and get rid of some of your stuff.. whatever you have to do - just get that 1k as quick as possible. Then once you have it, you DON'T put it in the bank. You take it and stick it somewhere that it will be forgotten about until you need it for a "baby emergency". He says that one of the main reasons people get so discouraged with getting out of debt is when they run into an emergency and have to fork over a bunch of money that puts them RIGHT back where they started to begin with. Your 1k emergency fund will *help* to prevent that. Obviously it's not gonna take care of huge emergencies but like if your car breaks down or someone breaks an arm.. you know.

So then after that you just start making lifestyle changes. Some of the families in the book ate PB&J or rice and beans for a few years, they cut out all of the stuff they don't need.. Cable, TV, cell phones, going out to eat all the time, going OUT all the time.. etc. Hubby and I don't do a lot of that to begin with but we do have cable we can cut out.. Hubby begged me to let us "keep" the internet - he said he would give up smoking if we could keep the internet. I REALLY would like for us to cut out EVERYTHING we don't need just for those couple years, but his health is really important to me and if he will keep that promise then I suppose we'll keep the internet.

I'm doing a little research and trying to come up with more ways we can save.. I already have a little pile of "sell on ebay" things to get our little emergency fund going. I am really excited about this! I don't want to have a pile of debt to be worrying about on top of worrying about saving up for Baby's college and school books and all that..

Anyways.. he is sleeping now and I should be too.. Goodnight!