I don't know what made me think I could be a mom. I don't seem to do much of anything right. People always told me that "you'll be able to tell what they want when they cry" after a few weeks. I waited and waited and waited to be able to tell what he wanted and it never would happen. I would go through the motions every time to figure out what he wanted. Check his diaper, try a bottle, feel his skin to see if he's warm or cold. Tickle him because he might be bored, take him on a walk if all else fails and try to get him to fall asleep. I couldn't ever tell. Sometimes I got lucky a couple times in a row and I started to think "oh hey, I guess that cry means he's hungry" but then the next time he'd cry like that it would be something entirely different. I'm not sure I believe that babies have different cries. I think that some women just have amazing intution into things like that. Some women are cut out to be mothers.
I suppose I'm just being dramatic right now, after all I am having a rough day. Today is one of those days that just refuses to quit, refuses to give you even an inch of 'give', a second of peace or rest. We've all been sick for the past week and a half, myself included. In fact, I was the one that started it. I have no idea where I got it from but I came down with it very quickly. I've been over most of it for about three days now but this stubborn runny nose and slight cough refuses to leave and they're draining my energy. My son got sick about three days ago. He's getting better but his nose is a bit rough and he woke up this morning with what appears to be a nasty cold sore on his lip. A cold sore on his lip? He's eleven months old! How do you treat a cold sore on the lip of an eleven month old baby?
He's frustrated and grumpy and I can't figure out what is wrong with him. He cries and moans and groans and throws fits and cries some more. He doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to be held, he doesn't want anything to drink or to eat. He had a bottle about two hours ago. I went to feed him some lunch (cottage cheese and tuna) a little while ago and gave him some animal crackers to munch on to keep him happy while I put it together. I turned away from him for a few seconds and heard the animal cracker drop to the floor and a whining baby. I figured it was an accident so I gave him another one and sat down for a few seconds (I was still trying to figure out what to make at this point). He put the cracker in his mouth, bit half of it off, looks right at me and then drops it on the floor on purpose and a few seconds later starts whining again.
After I got the lunch fixed, I sat down and started feeding him. He liked it a lot, he ate about ten bites really quickly. All the sudden he starts wiggling around in his chair trying to escape from it. He wouldn't eat any more of the cottage cheese so I gave him another animal cracker, thinking he might actually eat it this time. He ate half of it and goes to drop the other half on the floor. I grabbed it away from him before he could toss it on the floor which made him mad so he started spitting the one in his mouth out. By that point I was losing it..
That is all on top of a bunch of other stuff. I've been trying to crochet hats to sell on Etsy. I've tried this one hat pattern THREE different times and it comes out different every time. This last time it was WAY off but I salvaged it and figured out how to make it look cute. I tried a second hat pattern that I cannot get to work at all. I haven't even completed one yet. It's frustrating me and annoying me that I cannot grasp this simple idea of crocheting, but I'm not giving up.
I have a job now. I've had it for two weeks and I've worked a total of three days. I'm on-call, so I go in when they ask me to come in. I can pick up shifts but nobody's explained how or if it's okay to pick up a shift that's not in my area. I'm okay with that though. What I'm frustrated about is the fact that my mom is my babysitter and she's getting ready to go up to Indiana to be with my grandma for who knows how long. I'm afraid I might lose my job and I need this job because my husband is only making $8 an hour. If I'm not working and bringing in money as well, we're going to be living with my parents forever. =/
That's all..
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